By Danna Shirley ~ October 2022
I've been a Christian for 42 years now. As a new Christian, the thing
that helped me grow (and blessed me) was hearing testimonies of how God worked
in His children's lives to bring them through difficult situations, trials,
etc. and into blessings, or at least to the answers that helped them
through those events in their lives.
To lay a brief foundation, my mother died in June 2021. The Trust she and
my father had originated was changed after he died. No details here other than
the fact that the Trust was now disproportionate. The inequity of the
distribution was secondary to the hurt and betrayal to one of our family
members who deserved the best and received the worst.
So why must we go through relationship/family issues that create such
problems. Why? Is it because God always has a lesson for us to learn so we
can grow and mature to be a worthy vessel used by Him. Here is one of my
favorite scriptures in times like these:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in
all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort
we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the
sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." (2 Cor 1:3-5)
Do we go through these "trials" so we can comfort others with
the same comfort we have received from God? Yes, but it is also to mature
us in our walk from drinking the milk of the Word to digesting the spiritual
meat of the Word.
Testimonies are what God uses to share lessons learned, to teach others from those lessons learned, and to help all of us who receive the message to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 3:18) What I share here is the path God has helped me to travel from unforgiveness and all the emotions associated with it to forgiveness and all the benefits added to my spiritual walk. God has helped me reach my breakthrough and arrive into my complete healing.
I would like to add here, though, when discussing forgiveness during Bible study one week, our teacher made this statement: “We can walk in unconditional love without having unconditional approval.” Even God gives His unconditional love but not His unconditional approval. That’s why He works on us to change us into His image. (Rom 8:29) Amen!
I don’t want to paint a pretty picture of just one side of this issue.
Although I did not speak or have arguments with the other side concerning the Trust,
I was still not innocent in my thoughts and words. I went to my
pastor and poured out my anger and hurt and even said I had hate in my heart
over this betrayal. I told him I DID NOT want these emotions in
my spirit anymore. He let me vent and held my hand as I cried and cried. I
can’t remember all that he prayed, but it was powerful. It was like the Holy
Spirit poked a pin in my hate-filled balloon and let all the air out, the gunk, the muck, the bitterness, the unforgiveness, etc. It was the beginning of my healing…but not the
end. I still had to walk through, day by day, time by time, into a cleansing
that only God can complete in us.
I stated the "offense" would be brief but this
testimony is not. Please hang in there with me...
So, it's been 1½ years that I've dealt with this issue. For me, forgiveness has been a process. The point is, we can resist God's appeal or we can allow it to enter our heart. I eventually got to the point of allowing Him to move Spirit (His) to spirit (mine).
The last-ditch effort of satan to continue with this unforgiveness issue occurred when I attended a family reunion on Saturday, October 15th, 2022 Having to face the offending party just stirred up all the emotions again. I lived through a whole week of reliving the details in my mind. Egad! Why do we punish ourselves in this way?
On Sunday,
October 23rd, I attended my worship service at Legacy
Church in Bartlett, TN. When I got home later, I wrote out all that happened while
it was fresh in my mind and heart:
We had a guest missionary who preached a very good message but I
couldn’t tell you what it was about. My thoughts have constantly dwelt,
pondered, rehashed, revisited all the hurts, rejection, disloyalty, etc. that
has taken place over the last few years. The family, the Trust, the betrayal…my
physical heart within my chest has been gripped with a strong vice…thoughts
have continually run rampant through my mind. Satan has had fun coming to
“kill, steal, and destroy” (John
10:10) my peace, my joy, my rest.
The problem is that I’ve allowed
him to wreak havoc in my heart, mind, and spirit by constantly reviewing it
all. So, the message went over my head but the Holy Spirit was still speaking
to me. Oh, He wasn’t saying how to resolve any of it, His presence was just
very strong on my heart.
After the message, an altar call was given for physical healing for a
few in the congregation. They went up and others went up and stood behind them
and prayed. In the past I would have gone up to support in prayer but I haven’t
felt like I could do that for a long while. I guess my spirit has felt very
unworthy to move in that ministry position.
As I viewed the altar, my friend Linda was praying behind those
who needed prayer. I kept watching her. She has been on our prayer list at
Bible study for a hereditary condition, a
muscle weakness in her feet and legs. As I watched her, the Holy Spirit kept
urging me to go pray for her. I finally obeyed.
I took her hand off the shoulder of the man in front of her and turned
her around to me. Then the Holy Spirit was in total control. I really didn't
know ahead of time what would happen next but I hugged her so strongly. I
hope I didn’t hurt her. I prayed in her ear for her healing, I prayed and
prayed and prayed and didn’t let her go. I finally started crying and sobbing
and prayed in the Spirit. We stood there both crying until I felt the hands of
others on my back (probably on her back too). I did not realize that praying FOR Linda would release ME of all my hurts and wounds of these past few
years. God knew I needed spiritual healing so He had me begin with Linda
until His Spirit poured healing and release out on my spirit as well.
I received a cleansing this morning.
It was a start!
Later, I got a phone call from my prayer partner, Carolyn, who lives in Missouri. We talk every few days and pray for our country, our families, and anything and everything that God lays on our heart.
I was crying when I answered the phone and of course, she asked what was
wrong. “I’m still dealing with the last few years of betrayal.”
I asked how she was able to forgive her siblings who accused her
(wrongly) of an issue with her parents. She said it was a process that
took a few years but with God’s help, and prayer, and obedience to the Word,
she is now at peace. Their relationship has somewhat been restored but it had
to begin with her.
She had to reach down deep to find emotional healing from the wounds,
torment, and accusations by her siblings. She had to make the choice to release
them from the consequences of their sin; an act of her will to be obedient to
God’s command to forgive. Jesus set the example on the cross when He said,
“Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Lk 23:34)
She continually reminded herself of Romans 12:19-21:
“Dear friends, never take revenge.
Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, I will take
revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD. Instead, if your enemies are
hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing
this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads. Don’t let evil
conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”
God gave her the grace to repent of her bitterness and she began to pray
four things for them…“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, LOVE
your enemies! DO GOOD to those who hate you. BLESS those who
curse you. PRAY for those who hurt you.” (Luke 6:27-28 NLT)
My prayer time with Carolyn was an additional healing process for me,
but there was still more to come.
Friday, October 28th my friend Connie called in the morning and asked me to read the meditation that appeared in the book, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. She said it was meant for me.
Do not expect to be treated fairly in this life. People will say and do
hurtful things to you, things that you don't deserve. When someone mistreats
you, try to view it as an opportunity to grow in grace. See how quickly you can
forgive the one who has wounded you. Don't be concerned about setting the
record straight. Instead of obsessing about other people's opinions of you,
keep your focus on ME. Ultimately, it is MY view
of you that counts.
As you concentrate on relating to ME, remember that I have
clothed you in My righteousness and holiness. I see you attired in these
radiant garments, which I bought for you with MY blood. This also
is not fair; it is a pure gift. When others treat you unfairly, remember
that MY ways with you are much better than fair. MY ways
are Peace and Love, which I have poured out into your heart by MY Spirit.
Sarah Young gave the following scripture references to this daily
devotion:
"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who
offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive
others." (Col 3:13)
"I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For He has
dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of
righteousness. I am like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding or a
bride with her jewels." (Is
61:10)
"He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom
with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. He has showered His
kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding." (Eph 1:7-8)
"And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how
dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts
with His love." (Rom 5:5)
Friday, October 28th: The tipping point arrived when Carolyn and I prayed together in the evening.
We prayed through our usual requests for country, family, honest elections, etc. She always begins and I end. As I was finishing my prayer, the Holy Spirit had me pray for my family members who have been on the other side of this issue. I asked God to bless them and do good to them. Then He reminded me of the scripture, "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, against evil spirits in the heavenly places." (Eph 6:12)
It was a very emotional time because I knew I had finally reached the
end of unforgiveness and arrived at forgiveness. Hallelujah!
Like I said, it's been a process but when we surrender to God, He works
it for our good. If we resist, we remain in satan's camp of letting
him steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10a) our peace, joy, and rest.
When we submit, we move into God's camp of life more abundantly above and
beyond all that we can ever, ask, think, or imagine (John 10:10b).
"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within [me],
will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ
Jesus returns." (Philippians 1:6)
Even after reaching this peace, God continued to pour out more and more confirmation on the subject of forgiveness vs. unforgiveness:
One of my favorite pastors is Robert Morris, Gateway Church, Dallas, TX. I record his teaching every morning on TBN and I also get emails of his sermons. The following are two of his recent sermons that continued to put the icing on the cake for me:
RELATIONSHIP ~ THE PRINCIPLE OF LOVE
The Path to Murder:
1. Hate
precedes Murder. (Gen 37:4-5, 18) (Deut 19:11-12) (Josh 20:5)
2. Anger
precedes Hate. (Gen 4:3-5, 8) Anger is an emotion. Anger is not a sin but
what you do with anger is a sin.
3. An
Offense precedes Anger. (Mt 24:10) (Mark 6:2-3) Astonished means to strike
someone, to expel by a blow, to drive out someone. (Lk 4:28-29)
4. Unfulfilled
Expectations precede Offenses. (Lk 7:18-19)
Jesus will either be a stone you stumble over, or a rock you build your house on! "As it is written: 'Behold, I lay in Zion a stumbling stone and rock of offense, and whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.'" (Rom 9:33)
5. Forgiveness precedes Love. (Mt 5:43-44)
Hate leads to murder. (Gen 27:41) Forgiveness leads to love. (Gen 33:1, 4)
6. Grace
precedes Forgiveness. If you have a problem giving forgiveness, you have a
problem receiving forgiveness. (Mt 10:8) Once you accept grace, you'll forgive
others who don't deserve to be forgiven. Forgiveness means
release. When God forgives us, He releases us from the punishment /
judgment of our sin. When we truly forgive others, we release them from the
hurt / offense they've caused.
When you hate, you fall into a trap, you are caught in a snare. If you allow hate and anger to consume you, then your unforgiveness leads you to not be forgiven by the One Who loves you.
As I was pondering about being a worthy vessel used by God (or lack thereof), I found this message online by Courtnaye Richard: Becoming a Worthy Vessel That God Can Use https://www.insideoutwithcourtnaye.org/becoming-a-worthy-vessel-that-god-can-use/
Wherever you are at this point in your life, you need to know that it’s time to go deeper in God. Deeper than you’ve ever gone before. It’s time to press in and get closer to the Lord. Jesus is coming back soon…pay attention to the signs. So with that being said, I have a question for you. Are you waiting on God to do some amazing things in your life prior to Jesus’ return? If so, then it’s time to grow closer to the Lord more now than ever…it’s time to prepare yourself to be that worthy vessel that God can use.
And here’s how to do it…
Purify yourself. Go before the Lord and ask Him, “Lord, is there anything in me that is not like you? Is there anything in me that is stopping me or can stop me from reaching your purpose for my life?” And after you ask, wait for Him to answer or reveal it to you. The reason that you must do this is because in order for God to use you mightily in this last hour, you are going to have to be a pure vessel that He can flow through.
That means that you can’t hide anything from Him. You’re going to have to empty yourself before Him and be honest where you are…with everything. He is God. He actually already knows everything about you anyway. But that’s neither here nor there. You have to come clean before Him yourself…today.
The Bible tells us to examine ourselves to see whether we are in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5). Do you know that there are many people walking around here on earth on the wide road without even knowing it? Yes ma’am! And it’s because of iniquity.
Second Timothy 2:19 says, “...And, let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.” Iniquity is hidden sin and wickedness. Some people think that wickedness is only for sinners, but that’s not so. Wickedness is performed by actual Christians who proclaim to know Christ, yet still choose to do the same evil things that the world does and acts like nothing is wrong with it. And that’s dangerous, because we are supposed to be set apart from the world. Romans 12:2 warns us, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.” (KJV)
So if you are a Christian (no matter how long you’ve been saved), you have to empty yourself of iniquity or you will not be a worthy vessel that God can use or even make it into heaven. Listen. Don’t take my word for it. Jesus tells us this in Matthew 7:21-23, “Not everyone will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.” (KJV)
Did you get that? Don’t let iniquity stop you at the gate! Do what God is calling you to do, but don’t work iniquity at the same time. Prepare yourself now to develop a pure heart that pleases the Lord.
I know this might be a newsflash for some, but for others it may be a heart check. Whatever it is, I have to tell you this today. Again, Jesus is coming back soon, and we have to be lights on this earth. But if you’re still playing with darkness, then how do you think others will see the light? It’s time to go deeper sis. It’s time to prepare yourself to go to another level in God. But in order to go to that next level in Him, you’re going to have to let to go of the things that could hinder you from becoming a worthy vessel that God can use for His glory.
Second Timothy 2:21 says, “If any man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honor, sanctified, and meet for the master’s use, and prepared unto every good work.” Meaning purge yourself of iniquity and all wickedness. You and I have to purge (i.e. cleanse, get rid of impurities, guilt, sin) ourselves from anything that is not like the Lord within us as we work towards doing what He has called us to do. If not, it will hinder our effectiveness.
Now, let me tell you. Purging is a process. It doesn’t happen every day (but it can happen overnight). So when God beckons you to get something right with Him, you need to go to Him without procrastination and get purified. This is very serious. The reason being is because we don’t want Jesus to say to either of us on Judgment Day, “Depart from me, you who work iniquity.” Instead, we want to hear, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” So in order to hear those beautiful words, we have to purify ourselves now.
Listen sis. There’s no getting around it. You have to pour yourself out to God and examine your heart before Him on a continual basis. It’s not a one-time deal. If you’re honest, there are some things you already know about, but there might also be some other things that may be setting you back from accomplishing God’s will that you’re unaware of. So I encourage you to humble yourself and go to Him to see if there’s anything hidden within your heart that needs to be cleansed and purified today. He wants to make you a worthy vessel that He can use. But you’ll first need to keep the lines of communication open with Him.
Personally, I have to do this too. I have talks with the Lord. *It’s about a relationship. When I feel yucky in my spirit, I go and talk to the Lord. And when I go to Him, He reveals to me where I may have gone wrong or where I have gone against His word. But once I admit or confess where I am and repent, then I experience His freedom. I can then go on to do what He has called me to do with a clean and pure heart…and with a clear conscience. That’s how He can use you. But you have to first empty yourself of anything that’s not like Him. You have to rid yourself of the unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, backbiting, lustful thoughts, sexual immorality, disobedience, pride, etc. Whatever it is, you have to come clean.
You’ve got work to do. You’ve got to be a light to a dying world. You’ve got to fulfill God’s purpose in your life. But you can’t do it full. Full of things that you know in your heart that are displeasing to the Lord.
You have to empty yourself of anything that’s not like Him or that could hinder you from being effective for the Kingdom and becoming a worthy vessel. This is real talk, real life, and real faith sis. It’s time!
Remember, Jesus is coming back soon! And those who endure unto the end shall be saved. So let’s be ready from the Inside Out!
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If you have an issue of unforgiveness that you just can't let go of and if you desire to forgive but just can't get there, I would like to make this point to help you. I've been there. I understand. You cannot do this by your own will. You cannot! It is only through God's help that HE gives you the will to surrender into His hands. The key element is to release your hold on that thing through prayer and allow the Holy Spirit to begin His great work in you, in the other party, in the situation, etc. Nothing may change ... but the change will come in YOU. It will be your blessing to let it go and maybe, just maybe, God will work the rest of it out for good.
I hesitate to think I have come to a completion of this subject of Forgiveness because it is a “test” that we continually take and continually have to pass. If we don’t pass it, then we fail it and God has us take it over and over again. I pray and ask God to keep forgiveness on the forefront of my mind.
God bless us every one...
Love, Danna Shirley
"Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs." (2 Cor 2:10-11 ESV)
