KLUTZY ~ Part I and Part II

by Danna Shirley

As the youngest of three sisters, I have always been a bit intimidated by my older siblings. I am six years younger than Nan and two years younger than Paula but we are all seniors on Medicare now so you would think that this slight trepidation would have been resolved long ago. When I am in my own surroundings, with my own family and friends, I am quite comfortable and secure. I don’t know why being with Nan and Paula sends me into “klutzy” mode but I have been a complete success at klutzy since I arrived in California March 20, 2013.

            Caregiving is for my brother-in-law Jerry who is in a hospital bed in the living room amid all the downstairs activity and noise. I have stumbled over chairs and boxes, stubbed my toe on furniture, and let a door bang shut while he was sleeping. I’m dropping things incessantly and of course I talk too loudly so I’m “lovingly” shushed all the time. Paula takes care of Jerry and all his needs. This is a huge task as you can imagine.

Nan’s duties are cooking and laundry and anything else she sees that needs to be done around the house. She’s very observant and versatile in this way.

I, on the other hand, have tunnel vision and only do what I’m told. I run errands to the grocery and pharmacy, go for medical supplies, go to Home Depot and WalMart, the bank, for fast food, etc., as well as take care of my mother’s needs. While doing the shopping, I call back to the central command post quite often to make sure I have the right item because I definitely don’t want to make two trips on the same day anywhere!

Yesterday I made a run to Piner’s Medical Supply for ‘no rinse shampoo’ and ‘no rinse body wash.’ I didn’t know they made such a thing but I guess if you’re in a hospital bed, that’s good to know. On the way back I stopped at the mailbox which is 0.2 miles from their gated house. I left the car running with my purse inside (including my cell phone) and hopped out to get the newspaper. When the door shut, it locked automatically . . . klutzy!

Now with no phone to call the house, I ran about 1/3 of the way up the driveway and panted the rest of the way to the gate. At the gate I buzzed Paula and through my huffing and puffing exclaimed, “Send Nan down with another set of keys for the van.” I’m so glad she didn’t ask why.

I put in the gate code and started walking to meet her. As she reached me with the keys, the gate closed. Now I’m inside the gate with no opener and the car is still sitting at the mailbox locked with the motor running. Nan had to walk back to the house and use the gate opener from there so I could even get out. Then back down the driveway I ran and unlocked the car. Whew! All of this took place in sight of two workmen putting a roof on one of the houses I passed. I hate looking klutzy in front of strangers. I hate it worse in front of Nan and Paula.

Today Paula sent me to Home Depot for six 25 pound bags of rock salt for their water softener. “That’s rock salt ONLY,” she said, “not rock crystals, not rock pellets, not rock cubes.” So what happens when I get there? Nothing says “rock” and everything is in 50 lb bags. I called central command. Our cell phones raise havoc until we finally get it straight that I should buy the ones in the blue bag. Okay, that’s done . . . yeah!

On the way home I stopped to get the mail and newspaper. I put the car in park, turned off the motor, and took the keys with me. Success! I made it home without incident. Hallelujah!

Tomorrow is another day . . .

KLUTZY ~ Part II

            Now it is a year later (May, 2014) and I have returned to Tennessee for some R & R from my caregiving duties. I thought I left klutzy in California but evidently I brought it with me.

            I’m still dropping everything I touch. I feel my mind is not cooperating with my actions.

            So how do I know this?

I pulled into a station to get $5 worth of gas. I pushed some buttons and voila, I had purchased gas and mistakenly a $5 car wash. How did that happen?

            I went inside and told the clerk, “Hey, I didn’t want a car wash.”

            “Sorry,” she said. “You bought it at the pump. I can’t do anything about it from in here.”

Okay! Okay! So I’ll go through the car wash.

I pulled up to the entrance, rolled down the window to punch in the code, and pulled forward. YIKES! Soap and water blew in and hit me in the face and went all the way across to the inside passenger window. I put up my hand like that would stop anything and reached for the “up” window button. As soap and water surrounded me, I searched the glove box for some napkins. One little fluffy tissue was hidden under all the papers. It quickly fell apart as I wiped my face and hair. 

I had to laugh. I was still KLUTZY in Tennessee! How do I get into these situations? I feel like I’m losing it and I’m only 65. What will I be like at 95…my mother’s age?

All I can hope for is that my family and friends will take care of me and make sure I don’t do mindless things . . . like this J.