This is a devotion written to go along with a 21-day fast at my church for 2018; the theme was "For Such a Time as This"
Confusion and fear seemed to be the norm for me as far
back as I can remember. I had not been to church on a regular basis for many
years, but I soon began to have the desire to go. I visited a few places but
none felt like they were where I was supposed to be.
Every other Saturday I would pass by Bartlett First
Assembly on my way to my granddaughter's house and I would think, I need to visit there, but I never did.
One day my neighbor, Barbe Hill, asked me to be her guest
at a ladies Harvest Tea, which would be taking place at her church. When she
told me where it was, I was excited to learn it was exactly where I had wanted
to attend. As Barbe and I walked into the church that Saturday, I stopped just
inside the door and a peace came over me. I stood there for a moment. It was
like the Lord was saying, Welcome home!
Everyone was so nice and made me feel as if they had known me forever—just like
family.
I began attending BFA (now Legacy Church) and was very happy with my new
church family; however, I couldn't seem to shake the continual confusion I
felt. I loved our weekly ladies Bible study, but for the most part I just sat
there not understanding a lot of what was being said. I wanted to understand,
but I couldn't! All of the other ladies seemed so much more spiritual than I. It's like a voice in
my head was saying, You're not like them,
you can't understand.
I was weary of sitting in church and Bible Study when
nothing was clear to me, not even the music. One Sunday Pastor Johnny gave an
altar call. I felt like I was supposed to go forward but I just couldn't move.
Many people had already started down the aisle and I thought to myself, I wonder if they are just faking it or do
they really feel something.
Suddenly, I had a deep longing to feel what they seemed
to be feeling. I was so tired of my confusion and uncertainty. But I don't understand, I thought! A
voice inside me seemed to say, Be still.
So even though I felt like I was supposed to go forward, I sat down. I knew I
was about to cry but didn't know why. This feeling was all so new to me.
As I sat there, the name Joyce popped into my head. Since
that's my daughter’s name, she was the first one I thought of, but then I
realized, She's not here. I stood up
once again, looked around, and saw Joyce Doolittle standing on the front row.
She seemed to be praying and even though her head was bowed, I started
motioning with my hand for her to come to me, not really understanding what was
happening. When Gordon nudged her, she walked to where I was and led me to the
altar. The tears were falling now. There were quite a few people already at the
altar but when she began to talk to me, it was as if we were the only two
people in the room. I could feel and understand everything she said and I knew
God was doing something in my life.
Pastor Johnny came up and put his hand on my arm and said
a short prayer . . . “You don’t have to beg God. He is here waiting, just ask.”
Then the floodgates of heaven were opened to me. Whoosh! and in a moment’s time
the burden I had carried for so many years was lifted and was instantly
replaced with an overwhelming joy, peace, and comfort that I carry with me
still today.
That was my “for such a time as this” moment. All
the years of searching, confusion, and condemnation were lifted and I now
better understand the Bible, the sermons, and even the music. It was a
life-changing day for me, and I feel sure God planned it that way.
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