Losing Your Mother

My sister called tonight to tell me that our mother was going into hospice care. I've been prepared for this time for many years but it has also taken me by surprise. Nana is 101 years old. 

When Dad died in March of 2010, we were prepared for Nana to follow soon after. Pa even told us, "Now, your Nana won't last much longer after I'm gone." We thought this was a true saying because Pa was always the healthy one, so full of life and vigor, until prostate cancer took its toll. 

Nana was 90 at the time and had lived a long, full life already so it was definitely possible she would pass after losing her devoted husband of 68 years. She was legally blind and deaf without her hearing aids and Pa was her eyes and ears. She even had a seizure shortly after Pa died and we thought that would be the end but she bounced back and hung on. 

Nana has had a 24/7 caregiver in her home for several years now. She has been like one of the family, not only taking care of Nana but taking care of her medications, dressing, bathing, cooking, feeding, laundry, etc. Several of us in the family performed these responsibilities in the beginning but we all burned out.

Even though Nana had 24/7 help, my sister was a constant companion as well. She did everything outside the home...grocery shopping, doctor/dental appointments, finances, and visiting her almost every day. With Nana's mental lapse, my sister was so patient with her to repeat over and over again the things she couldn't remember.  

There were days she was as gentle as a lamb and days she was aggressive, which we now understand is all part of the dementia prognosis. In these last few years, however, she has been her sweetest. 

I'm writing this because I thought when I finally got the word of Nana's failing health, I would probably receive it as a matter of fact. I didn't know I would even cry...but I did! In fact, I've sat here all night thinking about my mother and tearing up with all the emotions of losing her.

I have fond memories of my childhood. I know there were instances when we must have argued but I can't pinpoint anything specific. They are long gone and forgotten. I thank God He only reminds us of the good memories. 

Nana's 101st birthday below:

 

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My mother passed away June 1, 2021. She had a stroke a week before and rested in her bed for seven days before her final journey to heaven. The blessing is that a few days before, she opened her eyes and called out, "Oh, Pa," the name we lovingly called my father.

They are now together in heaven with their parents and siblings and all their ancestors down through time. I can't wait to join them...Love you Nana and Pa

Here is her obituary:

ELSIE DAUGHERTY GOINES

August 19, 1919 ~ June 1, 2021

Elsie was born in the Oak Grove community of Van Buren, AR, the second oldest of seven living siblings. She was valedictorian of her eighth-grade class and graduated from high school in 1937. Following graduation, she attended Arkansas Polytechnic Junior College (1937-1939) in Russellville, AR, where she received her teaching certificate.  

She was the mother of three daughters: Nan (Goines) Nelson of Crossville, TN, Paula (Goines) Belden of Napa, CA, and Danna (Goines) Shirley of Cordova, TN.

She was the grandmother of seven: David Nelson of San Jose, CA; Rhonda (Nelson) Huddleston of Crossville, TN; Robbin (Heath) Taylor of Eagle, ID; Jordan Heath of Castro Valley, CA; Kristen (Shirley) Grigson of Memphis, TN; Russell Shirley of Cordova, TN; and Aaron Shirley of Collierville, TN.

She was the great-grandmother of six: Sarah Scott-Nelson of St. Peters, MO; Rachel and Ryan Taylor of Eagle, ID; Emma and Isabella Grigson of Memphis, TN; and Mackenzie (Shirley) Pierce of Vancleave, MS.

She has one living sibling, Jan Daugherty of Alma, AR, and several nieces and nephews.

When her husband of 68 years, Howard Goines, returned from WWII, they relocated to CA and resided in Richmond, then Pinole, Rodeo, and finally Napa. For a very short time, Elsie worked in a cookie factory in San Francisco and for Oliver Tire and Rubber Co in Emeryville. After moving to Pinole, she began a 40-year teaching career beginning in Port Costa, then Selby, Crockett, and finally Rodeo. During all her years of teaching, she continued taking college courses.

When Howard indulged in his hobby of restoring antique cars, they visited many points of interest on Model A tours, always combining their travels with educational stops and sight-seeing. She was a 50-year member of the Model A Ford Club of America.

Elsie was in reasonably good health even though her hearing and vision began to deteriorate. Howard was her eyes and ears, as well as chauffeur, until he passed away in 2010. From 2010 until her passing she was under the care of family members and eventually 24/7 caregivers. Her daughter, Paula, was a constant companion taking care of all things outside of the home.