I WANT A MACHO MAN

by Danna Shirley

          It said Sam on the name tag but I couldn’t determine if Sam was a Samuel or a Samantha? I was the third in line at the Customer Service counter in Wal-Mart. Now I’ve seen plenty of “Wal-Martians” online and all could be considered as wearing Halloween costumes; men dressed like women, skimpy clothing that shows too much, purple hair, tattoos, piercing in the oddest places. But this was October 26^th and I couldn’t tell about Sam.

          As the line moved forward, I noticed more; taller than the customer being waited on, shoulder-length hair, purple eye shadow and black eyeliner, a black lace camisole under the traditional blue polo shirt, and slight breast bumps. Then a move from behind the counter revealed black flats with a bow on the toe.

The line moved again to reveal long painted nails with beautifully manicured cuticles. I still was questioning if this was Sam or Samantha. No good clue was adequate enough to reveal the mystery.

          Now it was my turn. Sam was probably six feet tall. Not unusual for teens today, boys or girls. I saw a faint mustache above the upper lip but I have one of those myself. Then the mouth opened and the voice boomed out loud and low . . . “May I help you?”
          Sam was a male! But was he dressed for Halloween or was this his every day appearance? No other employees were wearing costumes. I was baffled and a little uncomfortable not knowing how I felt about this discovery.

Sam didn’t look natural for what our society and culture dictates. I understand that Sams and Samanthas are now out of the closet but my hormones, even at age 65, still desire the tall and handsome; the courageous, patriotic, and faithful men of this world.

Where are the James Bonds, the Supermans, and Captain America? I still love to see the action movie man trounce the villains, get the girl, and come out as the hero . . . without eye liner and lipstick!

I love a macho man!