A WIDOW'S ADVICE TO YOUNG WIVES Chapter 5

© Danna Shirley

The beginning of change  . . .

I can tell you the exact hour we had a heart change, reached a compromise, made sacrifices, and wanted to please one another. I was thirty-two and Ron was thirty-three. Twelve years into our marriage we walked side by side down the aisle at First Assembly of God Church in Montgomery, Alabama and accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.

Shortly afterward I attended a women’s Bible study. The teacher used the book, You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband, by Darien Cooper. We learned to restructure our thinking to make our husbands happy instead of forcing them to make us happy. It was the beginning of the ‘happily ever after’ in my marriage . . . with a few detours along the way . . . well, maybe a few more than just a few!

Even though I had been married for twelve years, as a new believer I had a lot to learn about being a Christian wife. What I learned made perfect sense and when I put it into practice, I was delightfully surprised. Of course it took time, prayer, and a concerted effort for me not to fall back into my old patterns. Eventually my focus was not forced but readily changed with the help of the Holy Spirit.

When Ron quit smoking and drinking (two of my biggest complaints) my fussing was cut in half. I’m sure I don’t need to go into all the details of ‘fussing.’ Suffice it to say that every couple has their own set of issues.

What I learned from this Bible study was ‘how’ to go about making Ron happy with the result that he, in turn, would want to reciprocate.

I don’t know why men are so resistant to change. Maybe it’s that ‘macho,’ head-of-the-house mindset. I calmly began to concede over minor things that ordinarily would have escalated into an argument. As I put these new revelations into practice, a ‘happy husband’ emerged. Our household was more peaceful when I avoided petty little quarrels. As a result, harmony became the norm.

Oh, there were still times when I would ‘lose it’ but Ron noticed they had become few and far between. When I did get upset, he was the one who would try to smooth things over. In other words, he began to reciprocate. Our marriage took on a loving quality and we enjoyed each other’s company more than any others.

I miss my best friend.

LIFE TO CONSIDER . . .

It is my desire to have a happy marriage and live with a contented husband.  My marriage is for life; therefore I will consider . . .

Am I reading and studying marriage and relationships in the Bible?  If so, what have I learned?

Am I doing any outside reading on marriage and relationships?  If so, what have I learned?

Am I putting into practice what I’ve learned from the Bible and from my outside reading?  If not, why not?