© Danna Shirley
Conclusion . . .
Ron and I
would have celebrated our fortieth anniversary Christmas 2008. Now I dip into
my heart and mind to withdraw the memory of the sweetness of our years
together. It’s amazing that our spats and quarrels are so vague to me now. I
know we had them but God’s mercy has deposited them into the depths of the sea,
to be remembered no more. I look at the calendar and feel the deep loss of a
continued life with my love; the deep loss of another year without him.
It is
said that time heals and grief lessens and life goes on, and it does during the
day-to-day activities, but the special days, the birthdays, the anniversaries,
the Christmases, and the day he died will never diminish. I am alone with my
stockpile of memories, aware that my laughter doesn’t feel quite as shared as
it once did. Ron is no longer here. Jesus now stands in the gap that he left.
And so,
my Widow’s Advice to Young Wives is to . . .
Respect your husband . . .
admiration goes a long way in building his self-esteem . . . and yours.
Appreciate your husband . . .
show
him by the little things you do.
Embrace your differences . . .
he
is distinct from you and aren’t you glad. J
Be proud of him . . .
lift
him up.
Participate in his hobby . . .
I didn’t like to fish but I liked being with my husband.
Make him happy . . .
he’ll soon want to reciprocate.
Be best friends . . .
enjoy each other’s company.
Praise him in front of others . . .
honor him; don’t betray his trust.
Have a date night together . . .
keep
the romance alive.
Don’t take him for granted . . .
you don’t want to be taken for granted.
Say the words,
do the deeds, don’t assume that he knows.
Laugh together often . . .
make up your own little signals; read each other’s body language.
Take
care of your regrets now . . .
so you won’t have to dwell on them later . . .
because one day he may be gone,
and you will examine all
the things you
said and did that you wish could be undone .
. .
but it will be too late.
teachers of good things—
that they admonish the young women
to love their husbands,
P.S. Ditto for you husbands!
Now you write THE END of your story!
Addendum
I wrote A Widow’s Advice to Young Wives in 2009. I’ve sold a few copies but
mostly I have given them away because I came to realize the message was more
important than the money. Besides, it is God’s message by way of my experience.
He gave me the dream, He woke me in the morning with it still fresh in my mind
(how often does that happen), and He wrote it through my fingers as I typed it
in just a few weeks.
My pastor, Gene Burgess (Bartlett First Assembly of God),
was kind enough to highlight the book to my church family encouraging everyone
to read it. He gave me the floor to share how it came to be. One thing I always
mention when relating its inception is,
“If Ron knew he was going to leave me a widow at age
fifty-four, he would have gone to the doctor.”
Praise
Report #1 . . .
During my father’s illness, I stayed with my parents for an
extended length of time. Of course I had kept up with church happenings while
gone . . . so-and-so got married, so-and-so moved, so-and-so lost her job . . .
and then there was the news that one gentleman in the congregation had had a
heart attack. I was home only a few weeks when he called to tell me why he was
alive and well today.
“I listened to your testimony in church and remembered what
you said. Even though I delayed taking action, what went through my mind was ‘I
don’t want to leave my wife a widow. I don’t want to leave my wife a widow’ so
I let her call 9-1-1. They had to revive me in the ambulance on the way to the
hospital. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I’m here today because I read your
book.”
My
book . . . GOD’S MESSAGE!
Praise
Report #2 . . .
My sister’s husband had been suffering with a slight cough
for longer than usual; just didn’t feel good but couldn’t pinpoint why. This
went on for a few weeks. He was getting weaker with each passing day. She
suggested they go to the drop-in clinic but he’s a man, so of course he said,
“If I’m not better by next week, I’ll go.”
He went to bed early on a Saturday night but was up soon
after needing pillows to prop up in bed so he could breathe. Again she offered
to take him to the clinic and reminded him of what happened to my Ron when he
wouldn’t go to the doctor.
Shortly after he came out of the bedroom dressed and
announced that he better go to the Emergency Room. The doctor said he had a
103° fever when he arrived and was about two hours away from being gone with pneumonia. He is now home and
still recovering from his illness, still weak but alive.
My
book . . . GOD’S MESSAGE!
Even though my husband is not here to share in my life,
I can still praise God for using my experience to
prompt others to heed His voice.
WILL YOU?
BACK COVER:
At first glance the reader might think this is a book for widows but it
is written primarily to young wives. When my husband passed away, I was given
several books on grief, which I’m sure were meant to comfort me. I couldn’t
read them. What I wanted most was to focus on my memories, not on my losses.
Over time I did begin to read some of those books and their messages
were encouraging as I saw the truth in their words. Eventually, however, I
realized there was no book to counsel me concerning my regrets before I became
a widow. It is my hope that the reader will take this small book to heart
because God laid it on my heart to write it.
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