Thursday, April 21, 2016

A WIDOW'S ADVICE TO YOUNG WIVES Chapter 9

© Danna Shirley

He made me laugh . . .

Ron had a great sense of humor and a very quick wit. He could keep such a straight face even when he knew I was going to break down in tears. Then he would look at me soberly and say, “You’re too easy!” J 

Of course you know the husband is never wrong and he’ll be the first one to tell you that it’s not his fault and even if it is his fault, it’s only because his wife caused it.

When it came to being wrong, Ron would never admit it, never apologize for it, and in some way, shape, or form, would find a way to blame me for it! It is the same principle as him never getting lost; therefore, why should he stop and ask directions. It’s a man thing.

Occasionally he would cut an article out of the newspaper and then leave it in the middle of the junk mail that was to be tossed. (We lost one of his paychecks that way.) Sometimes he might open important mail and leave it lying around for a week and then ask me what I did with it. I cringed every time he started a sentence with, “Where did YOU put . . . whatever?” 

I began to fight back.  When he would hand me a VIP (very important paper) to file, I would say, “Now I’m putting it right here in this folder marked “Whatever” and I’m putting it in the second file drawer in the office, and the next time you want me to find it, YOU tell ME where I put it.” 

It became a game with us and eventually we would have a good laugh. One day I found the perfect cartoon. It hung on the refrigerator for a long time and I would point to it whenever he said, “Where did YOU . . .”

It depicts a husband and wife sitting in their living room. She is reclining against the arm of the couch with her feet up talking on the telephone and he is sitting in his easy chair with a down-in-the-mouth look on his face. She is exclaiming to her friend, “He’s recuperating from having been wrong.” J

Ron was a shy person but deep down, once you got to know him, he was quite a character. He did not, however, let too many people see that side of him. He would avoid contact with anyone, or shall I say anyone with whom I could make contact in his place.

He conducted his professional life with excellence and was as comfortable with Admirals as with rednecks. He could converse with each as if he belonged in that world. However, getting on the phone with a stranger about something trivial would cause him to balk every time. It was always, “Call them and say . . .”

“Ro-o-on, you know they’re going to ask me questions I can’t answer.  Why don’t you just talk to them yourself?”

“No, you call them!” 

“Ro-o-on, I hate this! I always have to stop and ask you and relay the answer. Please talk to them yourself. P-l-e-a-s-e.”

“No, you call them!”

And back and forth it would go until I picked up the phone and dialed. Sure enough there were the inevitable questions: what size? how many? aluminum or plastic? and with each question I would turn to Ron for the answer. When I would try to give him the phone, he would shake his head and hold up his hand with a definite ‘No!’

Then a Dilbert cartoon came along describing our lives to a ‘T.’ I think Scott Adams must have lived this situation . . .

The Boss waylays Dilbert in the hall and tells him to call a vendor and order the third thing they talked about. Dilbert’s reply, “Okay. That will save two minutes of your valuable time. When the vendor asks me dozens of questions should I just guess at the answers? Or would you prefer to spend an hour giving me enough background so you can avoid a two-minute call? You know what’s funny? This conversation lasted a minute . . . and there are two of us.”  Then the Boss says, “Are you done?” Dilbert looks down at the note in his hand and replies, “I think you wrote down your own phone number.”

As I mentioned, Ron did not like to socialize, especially with people he didn’t know. He disliked the process that it took to get acquainted with others and felt very out of place and put on the spot trying to make small talk. 

From the beginning, I was under strict orders never to accept an invitation as a couple without asking him first. Sometimes he would attend, sometimes I would go alone. When he did consent to get together with friends, it was because I begged and cajoled him. Then I was again under strict orders to make the evening short and sweet. He would rehearse his ‘exit strategy’ with me and we even got our dialog down to an art. It was funny how we would run across cartoons that mimicked our lives. I had several on the refrigerator at any given time.

Ron would raise one eyebrow and give me a little wink and I knew exactly what he meant. It made my day. I wish I had written down everything he said that made me laugh. I thought I would always remember and I thought he would be here to make me laugh forever.

LIFE TO CONSIDER . . .
It is my desire to have a happy marriage and live with a contented husband.  My marriage is for life; therefore I will consider . . .

How can I keep the joy in our lives?  in our marriage?

I will remember those first days of falling in love and recapture that happiness by . . .

I will bring back our honeymoon experience by . . . 

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