© Danna Shirley
How we met . . .
In early
1968, Ron’s ship, the USS Merrick, came into port in Richmond, California. He, along with several of
his friends, rented an apartment across the courtyard from mine. Sailors could
be seen coming and going at all hours of the day or night. Needless to say, my
roommate and I had our pick of these young men. Although I dated a few others,
Ron stood head and shoulders above them all with his confident and unassuming
manner.
Our
courtship was only three months long. Before leaving for his third tour of duty
in Vietnam, he proposed. My
friends said I would never last the eight months he would be gone. They were
sure I would send him a ‘Dear John’
letter.
Due to
mail delivery overseas, our correspondence was feast or famine. I might get ten
letters in one week and none over the next three weeks. During those long,
silent periods my imagination would run wild with doubt. Regardless of those
fears, I waited for him and three days after his return, we eloped to Reno, Nevada.
We were
quite a combination. A young man from Southern Alabama weds a liberal California girl. Needless to say, all didn‘t go
smoothly. You’ve heard the expression, “The first year is the hardest.” Well,
our first five years were the hardest. It took time for us to get to know each
other, to accept one another’s quirks, and to live with each other’s
differences. When Ron stepped into my world and I into his, we were both in for
a rude awakening and a whole lot of compromises along the way. But isn’t
that what marriage is all about?
If you
and your husband were raised in the same environment and culture, then you’re
one step ahead of the game. You know the thought processes of your mate, what
you can say or do that will not shock him or leave his chin dropping on his
chest. It seems silly now, but we were each trying to find (or take) the high
ground in our marriage and stand firmly upon it. I learned very quickly not to
patronize him. That approach just set him in stone all the more. As I
look back now, I wonder how we ever made it through those first trying years.
I was in
my first apartment, an immature, twenty-year-old only five miles away from my
mom and dad. I had never even flown on an airplane.
Ron was
mature at twenty-one, a man of the world, who joined the Navy at eighteen and
had already been on three deployments to Vietnam.
He was meticulous when it came to his uniform, but he thought nothing of
throwing his civvies (civilian clothes) in a heap on the floor. I remember one
battle in which neither of us would budge; we were both determined to hold out
until the end.
I refused
to wash his clothes unless he put them in the hamper. “Ron, the hamper is right
here next to the shower!” I would say condescendingly. “All you have to do is
raise the lid and in they go! Simple!” I then demonstrated, tossing his pants
into the hamper with flair, but to no avail.
Stubborn
to the end, when he got down to his last pair of socks, he took everything to
the cleaners. It was an expensive lesson to learn—we could hardly afford
to pay the bill. This valuable lesson forced us into a compromise. I started
washing his clothes and he started putting them in the hamper—occasionally.
If
only he was here to drop his clothes on the floor again. I would gladly
pick them up in a heartbeat.
LIFE TO CONSIDER . . .
It is my
desire to have a happy marriage and live with a contented husband. My
marriage is for life; therefore I will consider . . .
What
trait or virtue attracted me to my husband, but now irritates me?
What changed and why?
List some
petty quarrels that you've had with your husband. Which ones could have been
easily avoided, forgiven, or forgotten?
Look up the following scriptures and explain how they might
speak to you regarding your relationship with your husband.
Why We Should Forgive
Proverbs 24:29
Matthew 5:23-24
Matthew 6:14-15
Matthew 18:21-22
Luke 6:37
Romans 12:17-21
2 Corinthians 2:10-11
Ephesians 4:32
Hebrews 12:14-15
1 Peter 3:8-9
Steps to Forgiving
1.
Tell God how you feel
about the hurt. Be specific; He already knows, He just wants you to know.
2.
Give yourself a reason
to forgive, i.e. to restore your relationship, to cleanse your heart, because
God commands it.
3.
Face the offense; look
within. Did you say or do anything to receive the problem? Was your attitude
wrong?
4.
Ask God to forgive the
wrong on both sides.
5.
By faith in God and
trusting Him to perform it—FORGIVE!
6.
Speak to your
unforgiving heart (2 Cor 10:4-5; Phil 4:8-9).
7.
Form a habit of
forgiveness . . . and do it quickly!
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